Dr. Phil’s 10 Life Laws
Publikované 04.05.2019 v 18:12 v kategórii Životní zákony, prečítané: 19x
“Life Laws are the rules of the game. No one is going to ask you if you think these laws are fair, or if you think they should exist. Like the law of gravity, they simply are. You don’t get a vote. You can ignore them and stumble along, wondering why you never seem to succeed; or you can learn them, adapt to them, mold your choices and behavior to them, and live effectively. Learning these Life Laws is at the absolute core of what you must master in this book to have the essential knowledge for a personal life strategy.” / Dr. Phil, excerpted from Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters.
Bottom line: You are not a victim. You are creating the situations you are in; you are creating the emotions that flow from those situations. Whatever choices you make in this world, those choices have results. Your thoughts are behavior too. If you choose to stay with a destructive partner, then you choose the consequences of pain and suffering. If you choose thoughts contaminated with anger and bitterness, then you will create an experience of alienation and hostility. When you start choosing the right behavior and thoughts — which will take a lot of discipline — you’ll get the right consequences.
You are shaping your own behavior by the payoffs you are getting in life. Find and control the payoffs, and you control the behavior, whether it’s your own or someone else’s.
If you hope to have a winning life strategy, you have to be honest about where your life is right now. Your life is not too bad to fix and it’s not too late to fix it. But be honest about what needs fixing. If you lie to yourself about any dimension of your life, an otherwise sound strategy will be compromised.
The difference between winners and losers is that winners do things losers don’t want to do. People who win take purposeful, meaningful action; they don’t just think about. To have what you want, you have to do what it takes.
Nothing in your life will change until you begin to do different things. Pull the trigger. Get up off your knowledge and do something different with your life. Decide that you are worth the risk of taking action, and that your dreams are not to be sold out. Take action, and insist on results.
We all view the world through individual filters, which powerfully influence the interpretations we give events, how we respond, and how we are responded to. To live effectively, you’ve got to recognize the presence of your filters, and take care that they don’t distort your perceptions so as to mislead you in your decision making. If you continue to view the world through a filter created by past events, then you are allowing your past to control and dictate both your present and your future.
Identify your filters so you can compensate for them. Not acknowledging that you have limiting beliefs, and identifying what they are, means that they will stay active, threatening to undermine the life plan you’re about to construct. You control your perceptions. Therefore, you control your interpretations of and attitudes about your life. That is power. Let your perceptions be fresh and new and grounded in fact, not in history.
Effective life management means you need to require more of yourself in your grooming, self-control, emotional management, interaction with others, work performance, dealing with fear, and in every other category you can think of. You must approach this task with the most intense commitment, direction and urgency you can muster.
The key to managing your life is to have a strategy. If you have a clear-cut plan, and the courage, commitment and energy to execute that strategy, you can flourish. If you don’t have a plan, you’ll be a stepping stone for those who do. You can also help yourself as a life manager if you manage your expectations. If you don’t require much of yourself, your life will be of poor quality. If you have unrealistic standards, then you are adding to your difficulties.
The rest of this year will go by, whether you are doing something to improve your life or not. Don’t start on this project tomorrow, or even later today. Start now. The life you’re managing is your own. The emotional life, the social life, the spiritual life, the physical life that you are managing: all of it is your own. Manage it with purpose, and manage it with knowledge. You make the choices that create your emotional state. Make them in an informed, purposeful way, and you will have what you want.
If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit or allow that treatment. Identify the payoffs you may be giving someone in response to any negative behavior. For example, when people are aggressive, bossy or controlling — and then get their way — you have rewarded them for unacceptable behavior.
Because you are accountable, you can declare the relationship “reopened for negotiation” at any time you choose, and for as long as you choose. Even a pattern of relating that is 30 years old can be redefined. Before you reopen the negotiation, you must commit to do so from a position of strength and power, not fear and self-doubt.
Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds of hatred, anger and resentment. The only way to rise above the negatives of a relationship in which you were hurt is to take the moral high ground, and forgive the person who hurt you.
Forgiveness is not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself and it frees you. You don’t have to have the other person’s cooperation, and they do not have to be sorry or admit the error of their ways. Do it for yourself.
By being specific in defining your goal, the choices you make along the way will be more goal-directed. You will recognize which behaviors and choices support your goals — and which do not. You will know when you are heading toward your goal, and when you are off track.
Be bold enough to reach for what will truly fill you up, without being unrealistic. Once you have the strength and resolve enough to believe that you deserve what it is that you want, then and only then will you be bold enough to step up and claim it. Remember that if you don’t, someone else will.